I’m just too busy.

I just typed this email to someone I need to speak to urgently… Urgently… My kids teacher is speaking really inappropriately about them in front of them “(Your Son) was horrible all day! ALL DAY! I left him to do 3 math problems and came back 15 minutes later and he STILL hadn’t finished!! It was 2X6! 2X6?!!” Looks at me as though I’d sympathize with her about how my 2nd grader is struggling with intro to multiplication. News flash. I love my boy and I don’t think he’s horrible… but anyway, mama bear needs a meeting, right? So I email her to tell her that I need to meet with her as her language and story telling skills in front of my kids is no short of appalling. That’s just not how you talk about kids in front of them.They just don’t get any positive benefit out of the conversation. All that to say, it’s a big deal! I really need to meet with her. And guess what my email was to her when she told me her availability???

“Unfortunately, no. I have a Board Retreat all day on Sunday for (My Boys Preschool), Birth Class on Monday Night, and Bible Study on Tuesday night. Wednesday I’m off island all day for an OB appointment, Thursday I have a final meeting for the (Summer Camp) fundraising I’m a part of, maybe we can meet after school on Friday, and I can just send the boys out to the playground while we talk? Sorry I’m so busy, but it IS very important that we talk.” Read more

Love. Or was it?

I was so deep in my passionate dance with Jesus… just swirling in the emotional bath of his grace and glory… His love was so enveloping and strong and true… that I didn’t realize that that boy who was standing next to me wasn’t the one. He didn’t love me like I thought he did. He was just standing in my shadow. So close in my drunken love that I thought he was the one. It was Jesus. It was always Jesus. My worship overflowed on the wrong one. I should have kept my eyes up. Now I see. Now it’s clear. It was Jesus that was loving me all along…

Now that I see what human love really is… What it truly feels like to have a person really really love you… now I see the truth. Now I can see. It’s deep and distracting and warm and delicious, but it’s no where near the same. It’s beautiful and comfortable. It’s a different kind of cozy, a place that makes sense. Where things are clear and honest and not always easy. It’s a special privileged place to be. It’s humbling and faith growing… but it’s not the same.

It’s hard to see how confused I could have been. It’s hard to see. How could I have confused the two? They’re so different. I’d never truly been loved before. Never had that gaze that -break my back for you everyday- commitment. That “dream with me and love these people who we were blessed to raise as a team” thing. I had no idea it could feel like this. I had no idea it was really real.
…it really is real. I am loved. By my creator… and by someone He sent to love me. This is it.

This IS love.